Ep 20 - Lousypalooza

5/31/15

Here's the story of a man named Lousy   2:14:34                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                         Coco Host:  Dave West                                                           House Band:  Peter Feliciano                                 Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy                 Guests:  Suzy L; PJ; Indigo Java; Michelle Thomas; Babette and the Purple Guy

Here's the story of a man named Lousy

 

2:14:34                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                         Coco Host:  Dave West                                                           House Band:  Peter Feliciano                                 Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy                 Guests:  Suzy L; PJ; Indigo Java; Michelle Thomas; Babette and the Purple Guy

 

Show Notes:

Our version of fun at the bomb shelter.

Ep 20 - Lousypalooza

The fact of the matter is SK is a fraud.  Think about it would any man with even the absolute minimum amount of  integrity really spend their time shamelessly promoting their insignificant little walking (Let me repeat that - walking ) tour by means of a podcast? Essentially screaming to the world, "Look at me world. I can't hold down a real job!"  Only SK Morton is that pathetic...and maybe his regular stable of lackeys.

This week we pull back the curtain of the podcast only to reveal dozens of empty yogurt cups and  piles of saved copies of USA Today and Highlights for children. The clutter forces the gang out into a larger, amazingly less well lit space within the bomb shelter for our 1st annual season finale lovingly known as Lousypalooza.

Joining SK and Squidge at the kid's table are local comic and stand-up contest winner Dave West as well as, friend of the podcast and enemy of dry underarms, Pete Feliciano.

First we briefly visit with Throng members Suzy L and PJ before we realize that they both thought they were at Giants Fan Fest and mistook Dave for Santiago Casilla.  Next up, former Coco-hosts, Indigo Java and Michelle Thomas step up to the microphone and show us all why the two were never able to make it work.

Of course, We also have time to talk with Babette and Squidge but at least we regret it. There were a few songs that Pete is proud of but no one had the heart to tell him that all of his parts were over-dubbed by Jack Black.

Look at us world! And we'll make sure to cut and paste our resume in the body of the email!

Posted on November 23, 2015 .

Ep 19 - Let Them Eat PPIE

6/8/15

Throngster and regular audience member,  Man in the 6, assumes the appropriate position for ideal listening enjoyment.   1:13:38                                                                          Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                        Coco Host:  KS Notrom                                                          House Band:  Shantwon Zee                                  Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy                 Guest:  Tom Brokaw & Chewbacca

Throngster and regular audience member,  Man in the 6, assumes the appropriate position for ideal listening enjoyment.

 

1:13:38                                                                          Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                        Coco Host:  KS Notrom                                                          House Band:  Shantwon Zee                                  Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy                 Guest:  Tom Brokaw & Chewbacca

Ep 19 - Let Them Eat PPIE

Sweet vindication!  Last week we predicted that the immense popularity and critical acclaim of episode 18 was an irregularity in the normal blather churning that is SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast.  And this week's installment proves that we haven't lost our touch. (The same touch that solidified the fame of Lennie Small,  Boo Radley, and Frankenstein's monster)

With no actual guests this week, SK was forced to rely heavily on his tried-and-true practice of lulling listeners into a catatonic state by reading emails, plugging his Lousy Walking Tour, disparaging Daryl Hannah and, finally - desperately - doing voices. Unfortunately, this segment would prove to be the meat and potatoes portion of the podcast and they will be hard to keep down.

SK might have resorted to pies in the face were it not for the help of Shantwon, Squidge and SK's own brain, KS Notrom, when discussing the latest installment of Animal Obituaries.  The majestic humpback whales and their navigation challenges are discussed as well as the elusive chickens of Golden Gate Park.  They might not be so cocky with the grand opening of San Francisco's first SKFC.

After, what looks to be the last straw for the Bridal Fitness Coach commercials starring Chewbrokaw, we spend quite a bit of time learning nothing about San Francisco's 1915 Panama Pacific International Exposition Extravaganza. When the PPIE's connection to the 1894 Mid-winter's fair or the 1893 Colombian Exposition come up SK is distracted by shiny Mercury capsules; When he tries to explain the expo's scale model of the Panama Canal he is derailed by an escalator;  His tidbits about the 1st inter-continental telephone call and Ukelele performance get roasted by bits of pineapple on pizza; His stories of aeronautical pioneers, Lincoln Beachey and the Lockheed brothers crash and burn; and the origins of the fortune cookie and Disneyland's best known attractions simply refuse to shine.

We offer for your consideration one Lousy Podcast.  The place is the bomb shelter; the time is a couple of weeks ago; the subject is the 1915 PPIE.  And that's where SK hoped it would get scintillating. Instead it was just fair.

Posted on September 20, 2015 .

Ep 18 - An Englishman's Love Affair With Robin Hood

5/27/15

Returning Coco-host Michelle Thomas demonstrates the healing power of SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast.   1:13:51                                                                          Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                         Coco Host:  Michelle Thomas                                                        House Band and Musical Director:  Shantwon Zee Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy                  Guest:  Babbette and "Tony Quarington"

Returning Coco-host Michelle Thomas demonstrates the healing power of SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast.

 

1:13:51                                                                          Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                         Coco Host:  Michelle Thomas                                                        House Band and Musical Director:  Shantwon Zee Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy                  Guest:  Babbette and "Tony Quarington"

Ep 18 - An Englishman's Love Affair With Robin Hood

Webster's dictionary defines "aberration" as episode 18 of SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast.  Indeed, this week we might have fallen backward into something that, up until now, was deemed impossible by mathematicians, physicists, political scientists, line cooks and most of our family members - an interesting podcast.

Amazing and wondrous things were encountered this week as we welcomed back, Throng favorite, Michelle Thomas as the Coco-host and bearer of gifts. To SK she presented a gift of art, To Squidge she served as fodder for a crush, and upon the Throng she conferred the willies as we discovered similarities between her latest series of paintings and a murder conspiracy from the '70s. It was at this curve that our yellow brick road veered away from what might have been an animal obituary and arrived at a plug for SK's long forgotten Amnesty Pond.

As ambrosial fragrance filled the bomb shelter blessed voices are found to be uttering something akin to joy as cub reporter, PJ interviews Giants' great, Corey Dullard with our latest installment in the Bridal Fitness Coach saga. 

Then, with a preamble sweet, The entire gang interviews an ersatz Englishman of letters (And those letters are F.L.A.K.E) who goes by the name of Tony Quarington. The discussion is a charming symphony of San Francisco anecdotes complemented by reminiscences on Tony's home of perfidious Albion.  

With Babette's arrival as fresh as spring we are greeted by trumpeters clothed in white as shining raiment. The Throng, with harps, sing plenty of praises as emails shine like gold and the promise of interracial dating presumes a future where forests and green slopes and sweet orchards and flashing waterfalls, one above the other, go on for ever.  The holidays have begun.

 

Show Notes:

See Michelle Thomas' art at these websites:            http://www.michellethomasfineart.com/ohq4dbkejjrojzkr2zqr0qy6qumqfy  http://www.saatchiart.com/michellesindhathomas                                                                                                                                    And an interview with her here: 

Posted on September 20, 2015 .

Ep 17 - A New Low

5/18/15

Co-Coco-hosts Snaps and DHB simulate what they believe to be distinguished in a classical pose.   1:13:43                                                                          Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                            Co-Coco-hosts:  DHB & Snaps                                 Guest: Babette

Co-Coco-hosts Snaps and DHB simulate what they believe to be distinguished in a classical pose.

 

1:13:43                                                                          Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                            Co-Coco-hosts:  DHB & Snaps                                 Guest: Babette

 

Ep 17 - A New Low

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a lousy podcast to abandon all hope of wholesome entertainment, and to assume among the throng that decency and respect for other's opinions must be sacrificed for the sake of expediency, then blurb tradition requires that a summation of that podcast be outlined which impels us to such nonsense.

Whereas this week, the bomb shelter, being plenteously audienceless, SK heretofore begins a nervous thread involving bathroom etiquette, procedure and cleanliness.

Whereas this week's celebrity guest reaffirmed the illegitimacy of the podcast by abandoning both SK as well as folly and cancelling his appearance, the show was to make due with the company of two new co-Coco-hosts:  Hawaiian ex-patriot, DHB; and future deportee, Snaps.

Whereas Babette's precipitous arrival served, not as a bulwark for declinatory argument, but rather as a provocateur for the objectification of both women and men as well as mythical Norse gods.

Whereas the purpose of the podcast is to discuss the past, present & future of the great city of San Francisco, the band of lackeys is only scarcely able to make a token nod at informing their audience with a cursory discussion of the Presidio (With a promotion of SK Morton's Amnesty Pond), the Willows pleasure garden, the village of Yerba Buena, ironic addresses for the city's churches and parking in San Francisco.

Whereas SK possesses an inherent ability to peer deep inside the human soul, He acts as the arbiter of which movies and television shows are good and which are bad, which sports are of qualifying interest, where racism goes wrong and why Daryl Hannah should be ashamed.

We, therefore, the representatives of the Throng, in a general malaise, assembled and appealing for attention do solemnly publish and declare, that this episode of the Lousy Podcast to be free of, and absolved from, any pretense of a pursuit of happiness.  And for the support of this declaration, we mutually pledge to not make eye contact.

Posted on September 20, 2015 .

Ep 16 - Yelling Fire Chief in a Crowded Bomb Shelter

5/8/15

Babette digs that smokey aroma of firemen   1:22:40                                                                          Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                            Chief Musical Officer:  Shantwon Zee                                 Guests:  Henry "Jim" Larkin; Babette

Babette digs that smokey aroma of firemen

 

1:22:40                                                                          Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                            Chief Musical Officer:  Shantwon Zee                                 Guests:  Henry "Jim" Larkin; Babette

Ep 16 - Yelling Fire Chief In A Crowded Bomb Shelter

One thing that really burns my butt is a flame about 3 feet tall.  This and many other fire related jokes were never employed in this, our 16th crack at public humiliation. This is owing mainly to the fact that most fire related jokes (At least the non-horrific ones) just aren't that funny.  Of course, "not that funny" is right in our wheel house.

The show starts off without much fuel.  We have no Coco-host, no Squidge and no audience. Fire Captain Henry "Jim" Larkin shows up but too late to revive a dying introduction.  A discussion of one of SK's recent tours results in a hazardous situation - a new song by Shantwon, "I stole the moment".

The conversation appears to heat up with an email about the Pacific Ocean and its warm water Blob, however any expectation for stimulating debate is quickly snuffed out by a droning on about the new MUNI schedule and bus stops.  The talk gets so dry we are ultimately required to keep a 30 foot defensible space between it and the bomb shelter.

Just when it looks like we will all be asphyxiated by indifference (Mitch Albom's latest best seller),  Babette enters and injects some much needed fresh air into the proceedings by regaling us with tales of her exploits in the old west as well as exposing SK's lack of funds when it came time to pop the question. 

SK's history lesson about the SFFD threatens to smother any spark of appeal that the podcast may have had when Jim attempts to rekindle interest with ghost stories and accounts of working out with Jim Jones in the '70s.

Sufficed to say, this week, as with most around here, there was never any danger of the podcast catching fire - It's all suppressed with Pelligrino

Posted on September 20, 2015 .

Ep 15 - Aquatic Bonkers

4/28/15

he latest poster for the new Bert & Ernie live-action Netflix series.   1:17:57                                                                           Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                         Coco Host:  Pete Feliciano                                                               VP in Charge of Chords & Lyrics:  Shantwon Zee Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy

he latest poster for the new Bert & Ernie live-action Netflix series.

 

1:17:57                                                                           Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                         Coco Host:  Pete Feliciano                                                               VP in Charge of Chords & Lyrics:  Shantwon Zee Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy

Ep 15 - Aquatic Bonkers

For 14 Episodes SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast has been a family show.  While subject matter has proven to be eclectic there are quite a few topics we find taboo. Like accurate history or coherent argument development or anything approaching entertainment. But this week that all changed.

It all centers around this week's Coco-host, friend of the podcast and popular SF musician, Pete Feliciano.  Pete's disinterest in american cinema, contempt for formal  wear,  and love for half-naked soda jerks is the catalyst for our abandoning the niceties normally found in polite society.

SK is 1st into the deep and murky end of the pool when he discusses his SLuRP referral program but is eagerly pursued by the rest of the gang with racially charged animal obituaries, an endeavor in literal potty humor and an examination of a possible STD that up until now has only been detected in sea cucumbers. 

The bottom of the barrel is chafed during the email portion of the podcast when we discuss a rambling manifesto penned by new listener, Crap Fantastic. The depravity is apparently condoned as the group perform their rendition of Rupert Holmes' ode to the lighter side of adultery, The Pina Colada Song.

Of course the dirtiest part of the show is the discussion of Chinatown streets and restaurants.  The trade of illegal fireworks and plastic bags are endorsed as well as the practice of sleeping loose and $5 haircuts. Also included in the Chinatown conversation is the traditional Chinese instrument and possible euphemism known as the Erhu and MUNI's "Dirty 30" bus line. Excuse our Thaishanese.

If you're thinking about imbibing this week's podcast you might want to precede it with Dramamine chaser. Clearly, we're not too good to work blue.

Posted on September 20, 2015 .

Ep 14 - The Snail Assasin

4/20/15

A new take on the classic Norse poem, Reneeowolf.   1:28:13                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                           Coco Host:  KS Notrom                                                       Assistant to the Regional Mariachi:  Shantwon Zee                 Guests:  Renee J & Babette

A new take on the classic Norse poem, Reneeowolf.

 

1:28:13                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                           Coco Host:  KS Notrom                                                       Assistant to the Regional Mariachi:  Shantwon Zee                 Guests:  Renee J & Babette

Ep 14 - The Snail Assassin

You know those stories on the news about those accountants or nurses or fire extinguisher service techs that turn out to be hit-men or Russian double agents or mattress salesmen?  And they interview their friends and relatives and neighbors who are all shocked about the double lives these people lived? Well listen to this week's episode would ya!

Things start off innocently enough.  We're introduced to the other half of SK's brain, KS Notrom, and all are delighted to learn that Shantwon is in the bomb shelter and armed with, quite possibly, a new chord for the night's festivities.  And, most importantly we meet the Lousy Podcast's resident hungry hippie, Renee J.

Several interesting emails are discussed and subsequently forgotten as Renee J starts to lure the gang into a dark, dark place under the auspices of foodie talk. 

Renee demonstrates a love for French food, Spanish food that mimics French food and Russian Bakeries.  All of which provide her with lots and lots of salt.  As things progress, fueled by a garlic and butter stupor, she opens up about gardening war stories and and reveals the source of her Post Traumatic Snail Disorder. 

Midpoint in the horror we get a reprieve when Renee is distracted by flashbacks of the times she didn't go to Woodstock, Kent State or the summer of love in Golden Gate Park.  She does give us some insights about the Haight Ashbury district in the '70s and sustainable edibles of the 2000s but soon enough we are, again, wallowing in the slime of snail talk.  War is hell and this podcast is agony.

Posted on September 20, 2015 .

Ep 13 - Bean Cones

4/15/15

Indigo poses with a remnant of the Throng.   1:10:39                                                                                              Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                      Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy                   President of Music:  Shantwon Zee                                               Guests:  Indigo Java & Babette

Indigo poses with a remnant of the Throng.

 

1:10:39                                                                                              Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                      Producer/Sound Engineer:  Squidge McSqueezy                   President of Music:  Shantwon Zee                                               Guests:  Indigo Java & Babette

Ep 13 - Bean Cones

Once upon a time there was a Lousy Podcast.  Ostensibly its purpose was to convey information about the City of San Francisco to its listeners but in reality it was a way for its host, SK Morton, to get people to talk to him.

One day SK noticed that it was time for the podcast. He gathered information about the Waldo tunnel and Jerry's Toys on Market street and even where to find some decent burritos.  He called all of his friends and asked, "Who will be on time to my podcast?"

"Not I" said Shantwon Zee, who was busy picking out just the right mesh muscle shirt for his performance of The Fresh and Easy Song.

"Not I" said Squidge McSqueezy, who was busy sorting fly crap out of his pepper.

"Not I" said the studio audience who were busy updating their status to "disinterested".

"Not I" said Babette, who almost certainly was held up doing something terribly important and should never be lumped in with the likes of Shantwon and Squidge and is absolutely deserving of a back rub sweetie:)

SK's only friend to show up on time was Indigo Java, and he came bearing the gift of a cruise to the Bahamas. "Who will take this Bahamas cruise?" asked SK and Indigo.

"We will" cried Shantwon, Squidge, the studio audience and Babette (Who was the only one derserving among them).

SK looked at his friends and replied, "Bean cones!" That's what I says. "Bean cones!"

Posted on June 24, 2015 .

Ep 12 - Drivel in 3 Parts

3/27/15

Like a blurry Dockers commercial we spend a lot of time talking about nothing.   1:22:34                                                                            Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                   President of Music:  Shantwon Z                                                 Guests:  Paul Tavian; Fancy Nancy; Suzy L & Babette

Like a blurry Dockers commercial we spend a lot of time talking about nothing.

 

1:22:34                                                                            Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                   President of Music:  Shantwon Z                                                 Guests:  Paul Tavian; Fancy Nancy; Suzy L & Babette

Ep 12 - Drivel In 3 Parts

This week we do a concept piece.  Envision a podcast where - rather than delighting listeners with interesting and thoughtfully conceived, well executed discussions with compelling guests - each sentence blurted out in this episode is simultaneously incoherent, a non sequitur and quite possibly offensive. Yoko Ono would be proud. 

The fun starts right away with an email from long-time throng member, Suzy L who finds it necessary to critique past episodes. (Futility also being a key element in this  episode)

Then, for a good time, listen to Fancy Nancy.  She is willing to hang out for almost a full half hour and weigh in on things to do solo in San Francisco like staring contests with oil paintings, staring down sleeping audience members and hiking SF stairs.

The 2nd incarnation of episode 12, not unlike the Bolshevik Revolution, starts off promising but very quickly degenerates into the Trotsky's.  We welcome DeYoung museum exhibit engineer, Paul Tavian.  That is all.

For act 3 and after an evacuation of the bomb shelter, we're left with just two audience members, one of whom is a two-time candidate for CoCo-host, Suzy L.  Suzy book ends the show with another email section where she joins Babette in a discussion about good hair and bad parenting and/or vice versa (The other way around in reverse).

At least Tony Bennett was solid.  He did a duet with Yoko.

Posted on May 19, 2015 .

Ep 11 - Brought To You By The Letters S & K And By The Number 11

3/20/15

 
Natural Hair:  The short afro, the braided twist and the Friar Tuck   1:20:49                                                        Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                      Musical Director:  Shantwon Zee                                       Guests:  Fancy Nancy & Babette

Natural Hair:  The short afro, the braided twist and the Friar Tuck

 

1:20:49                                                       

Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                      Musical Director:  Shantwon Zee                                       Guests:  Fancy Nancy & Babette

 

 

 

 

 

Ep 11 - Brought To You By the Letters S & K and By the Number 11

Dear Diary. It's been 11 episodes now and I fear I may never achieve my goal of mildly entertaining the listening public.

Couldn't find a co-host who was willing to work for Pellegrino and m&ms so I was forced to pick one from the studio audience.  Fancy Nancy drew the short straw and proceeded to destroy what was left of my confidence by announcing that she'd never listened to the podcast before.  She then went on to pick on me about my weight and question the veracity of my parents' marriage certificate.

I tried to bolster my negative self-image by relating a fun tour that I had recently conducted with a trio from Chicago, one of which happened to be a tour guide as well, and had commended me for my enthusiasm.  It was at this point that my colleagues pelted me with batteries.  If that weren't' enough, the Throng is growing restless and have taken to antagonizing me through emails.

Even the generally popular subject matter (Animal obituaries) seemed to be confusing as a discussion about the Guinea Pigs of Delores Park dovetailed into a commentary by Shantwon about "Selfie Takin' Monks".  I had assumed that they were talking about a couple of new indie bands but was shouted down and burned with cigarettes.

When I questioned Fancy Nancy about her neighborhood of Silver Terrace she avoided the subject and claimed to have ties to every San Francisco district.  As things started to get heated Babette showed up and poured gas on the situation by denouncing the natural hair movement among black women and challenging Fancy Nancy to a duel over which super hero had the cutest accent.

To be fair, the gang ended everything with a laugh but I couldn't trust that it was genuine since I had just asked them to do so.

I hope next week goes better.  I'd hate to have to endure an audit right after the hip surgery knowing that the podcast isn't sharp.

Posted on May 12, 2015 .

Ep 10 - Are You Not Entertained? Try Turning it Off and On Again

3/16/15

Squidge and his brother Froodge avoiding work but confronting indigestion at Grubstake in San Francisco.   1:20:25                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                     Musical Director:  Shantwon Zee                                       Producer:  Squidge McSqueezy                                               Guest:  Babette

Squidge and his brother Froodge avoiding work but confronting indigestion at Grubstake in San Francisco.

 

1:20:25                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                     Musical Director:  Shantwon Zee                                       Producer:  Squidge McSqueezy                                               Guest:  Babette

Ep 10 - Are You Not Entertained? Try Turning It Off and On Again

Charles Bronson once said that, "Audiences like to see the bad guys get their comeuppance".  After, quite possibly, the weakest podcast to date we're fairly confident that our largest studio audience yet got what we deserved.  And while SK, Shantwon and newest producer, Squidge McSqueezy arrive at the bomb shelter unprepared, we're pretty sure it was the audience's fault.

After going around the room to remind each person who they are, the gang struggles to make a paltry sample of emails sound entertaining.  The nethermost point might have been reached with our latest edition of animal obituaries.

This week the majority of your time will be squandered listening to the troupe rail about the latest insipid what-to-do-in-the-city list authored by another androgynous, vintage, bib & tuck master of liberal arts.  In fact, if it weren't for Babette's momentary rant about racism in Chinatown, we might have never taken a break for another lackluster commercial for Bridal Fitness Coach.

The last portion of the podcast focuses on what SK would do with just three days in San Francisco.  Can you say binge-watch Sid & Marty Krofft?  There are a few more thinly veiled advertisements for SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Walking Tour (Like that) and then Babette finally convinces SK that Downton Abbey might not be a bad locale for a pasty vacation away from hipsters, UFOs and cross-fitters.

Not unlike Sha-na-na, This podcast was recorded in front of a live studio audience.  There were no survivors.

 

 



Posted on April 15, 2015 .

Ep 9 - Out of the Microphones of Babes

2/27/15

Noah S. would really appreciate your vote

Noah S. would really appreciate your vote

 Pelligrino and interminable history talk are not a good mix. 1:20:30                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                       Musical Director:  Shantwon Z                                           Producer:  Squidge McSqueezy                                             Guests:  Suzy L, Noah S. and Babette

 Pelligrino and interminable history talk are not a good mix.

1:20:30                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                       Musical Director:  Shantwon Z                                           Producer:  Squidge McSqueezy                                             Guests:  Suzy L, Noah S. and Babette

Ep 9 - Out of the Microphones of Babes

One undeniable truth of life:  Whether you're a failing sitcom or struggling in an unhappy marriage, the only solution is to add a kid.  Who are we to argue with desperation? This week we introduce 10 year-old, Noah S. Tonight it quickly becomes evident that, soon,  SK will  either be replaced by Noah, or dead by his hands.

We start with a call-back for last week's candidate for co-host,  Suzy L.  Suzy immediately establishes her Lousy Podcast bonafides by utterly failing during the intro. Then we reacquaint ourselves with the Bohemian Club by discussing Suzy's club connections and reviewing the photographs of the Bohemian Grove that she had promised in an earlier email.

We also premier a couple of tunes that are sure to become anthems for this generation while discussing the lousy Tour and its two meager reviews of the last week.

Of course the real fun comes when we interview Noah and learn everything he knows about San Francisco's national landmark, Cable Cars. We interrupt that history minute with a poorly cut commercial for Bridal Fitness Coach and eventually, as is per our usual, end up talking about Star Wars.

By the time Babette shows up all in the studio audience and most of the guests are asleep so she tucks us in with a quick anti-immigration follow-up interview of Noah and turns out SK's lights.  

Starved for Attention Quarterly says:  "Of SK Morton's most recent podcasts, this episode is number 9."

 

Show Notes:

Suzy L. said she'd bring pictures of the Bohemian Club if..

...SK brought pictures of snow in SF - Including Suzy's neigborhood of Twin Peaks

Posted on April 6, 2015 .

Ep 8 - They Might Be Giants...Fans

2/20/1

PJ takes an eye exam while Suzy L loves the smell of warm paper fresh off the ditto machine.  1:15:43                                                                            Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                   Producer:  Squidge McSqueezy                                             Guests:  Suzy L, PJ and Babette

PJ takes an eye exam while Suzy L loves the smell of warm paper fresh off the ditto machine.

 1:15:43                                                                            Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                                   Producer:  Squidge McSqueezy                                             Guests:  Suzy L, PJ and Babette

Ep 8 - They Might Be Giants ... Fans

Good things (And stage 4 cancer) come to those who wait. And it looks like the patience of the Throng might actually be paying off.  It's possible that we've finally come close to producing something that might resemble entertainment. Let's enumerate what we've got here:

The podcast starts with the announcement that everyone has called in sick and that SK has been left surrounded by women; by chicks; by dames; by skirts; by tomatoes; by chippies; by sheilas; by the weaker-yet-more-demanding sex.  What the show lacked in testosterone it more than made up for in reduced earning potential.

Next we are introduced to our second candidate for the Cocoa Chair, Suzy L.  The Throng may know Suzy from her emails to the podcast or for her SCUBA work with Roto-Rooter.  Suzy delivers a strong performance but seems a little threatened with the introduction of our cub SF Giants reporter and fellow rib pirate, PJ.  PJ tells us about her life-long home neighborhood of Telegraph hill all the while denying her ties to San Francisco's elite. After being joined by Babette the coven discuss the best looking players on baseball's world champion San Francisco Giants.

Upon further examination, here's some more of the same old crap.

 

Show Notes:

As promised:  PJ's pictorial documentation of the construction of what was to be Pac Bell Park.

Posted on March 20, 2015 .

Ep 7 - A Disjointed Work of Staggering Greenness

2/7/15

SK, Shantwon and Food & Culture correspondent, Indigo Java resort to debauched crooning to hide the pain of an absent Cocoa Bear. 50:50                                                                              Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                Producer:  Squidge McSqueezy                              Guests:  Shantwon Z, Indigo Java and Babette

SK, Shantwon and Food & Culture correspondent, Indigo Java resort to debauched crooning to hide the pain of an absent Cocoa Bear.

50:50                                                                              Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                Producer:  Squidge McSqueezy                              Guests:  Shantwon Z, Indigo Java and Babette

Ep 7 - A Disjointed Work of Staggering Greenness

After a long hiatus, SK was finally able to get back into the bomb shelter to record the 1st podcast of 2015.  Unfortunately, the result was un-listenable. So, a week later, he made another attempt and failed again.  This pattern was repeated over and over. The following 50 minutes of dreck has been cobbled together from almost 470 hours of incoherent yet arduous attempts at conversation.  Enjoy!

An ominous portend is the news that Cocoa Bear could not be with us and that a new studio audience would be the unreasonable facsimile. To pile on, the guests include Shantwon, Babette and new Food & Culture correspondent, Indigo Java.

A distinct lack of interest by the Throng, as evidenced by a lack of emails is attempted to be diverted by jumping right into a discussion of San Francisco's best worst best-kept secret, Bourbon & Branch.  Then there's some talk about another exclusive club associated with Batman and a secret menu at a sandwich place that used to harass Tina Turner.

After a last straw of a commercial for Bridal Fitness Coach the gang talks about slip-n-slides and Babette reveals the 1st plank in her platform to get herself elected king of San Francisco.  Still awake? Then go ahead and press play.

Show Notes:

Here's a little gift from Babette and the Lousy SF Podcast.                                                                (Print out and keep in your glove compartment)

22514.No person shall stop, park, or leave standing any vehicle
within 15 feet of a fire hydrant except as follows:
 (a) If the vehicle is attended by a licensed driver who is seated
in the front seat and who can immediately move such vehicle in case
of necessity.
 (b) If the local authority adopts an ordinance or resolution
reducing that distance. If the distance is less than 10 feet total
length when measured along the curb or edge of the street, the
distance shall be indicated by signs or markings.
 (c) If the vehicle is owned or operated by a fire department and
is clearly marked as a fire department vehicle.
Posted on February 7, 2015 .

Ep 6 - It's All About the Pete 'Bout the Pete, No Treble

12/22/14

SK and Cocoa congratulate Pete Feliciano on "holding it" for the whole podcast #64ozofPelegrino 78:00                                                                              Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                              Guests:  Peter Feliciano and Babette

SK and Cocoa congratulate Pete Feliciano on "holding it" for the whole podcast #64ozofPelegrino

78:00                                                                              Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                              Guests:  Peter Feliciano and Babette

Ep 6 - It's All About the Pete 'Bout the Pete, No Treble

We had all the makings of a real, professional podcast this week, but we found a way to snatch real promise from the jaws of success.

This week the show was carried on the able shoulders of local musician and world wide sound sensation, Peter Feliciano.  Somehow we landed a legitimate entertainer who did not fail to entertain, although his Olympic skater knowledge was dramatically lacking.

This week we abandon the usual format in the hopes that a few songs might right the ship.  We start with a little background about how Pete got started in the music biz, and then we ask him why he spells business with a "z".

Next we discuss Pete's neighborhood, Chinatown when Babette makes an early entrance and declares her undying love for a man to whom she is not married.  SK works a little San Francisco history in to the show and is promptly shut down by an avalanche of apathy (The name of Pete's 1st studio album).

We kind of touch on one email and run through a couple of current events before we're able to get back to two more live performances by Pete before the whole thing unravels.


Show Notes:

Check out just a few of Pete's recordings below and be sure to go see him live!

Dec. 27th at 5:30, River Terrace Inn in Napa

Check his Facebook page: /Rule62pete for the venue when he plays with the Moonlighting Crew on January 16th, 2015

Ep 5 - Lisa Lisa & Grape Jam, With Full Force

12/15/14

A rare look into the bomb shelter.  Print this picture and present to Brian Boitano. 54:32                                                                                 Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                       Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                                                 Guests:  Shantwon Zee and Babette

A rare look into the bomb shelter.  Print this picture and present to Brian Boitano.

54:32                                                                                 Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                       Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                                                 Guests:  Shantwon Zee and Babette

Ep 5 - Lisa Lisa & Grape Jam, With Full Force

We've got good news and bad news...OK just bad news, SK and his tiny crew of bootlickers are back for a 5th episode.  You'd think we'd be getting better at this but that faith would be misplaced.

Shantwan is back as the house band this week and he accompanies SK and Cocoa for some of their more wearisome anecdotes - Like Cocoa Bear's President O'lama jokes and SK's not-so-disguised Lousy Tour commercial.

As all interesting podcasts do, we start with a review of what we talked about last week. Then after an onerous Danny Glover impression emails are reviewed quickly in order to get to SK's real target:  Lisa Curtis.

Lisa Curtis lives in either Billingham or Seattle, Washington. She was married to Daryl Curtis on July 13th, 2013 and should be living out the rest of her days looking over her shoulder for Cocoa Bears and/or Babettes.

Finally SK proves his bonefides as a tour guide by answering every question that he cares to during the lightning round of Stump SK and adds an exclamation point by losing to Shantwan in an arm wrestling contest.

Ep.5 Show Notes:

Petition to get the amnesty pond named after SK

If you'd like to support SK in his bid to have the amnesty pond at the Presidio's Mountain Lake named in his behalf (SK Morton Memorial Amnesty Pond & Fish Rescue), you can do so by calling the Presidio Trust: 415-561-5300; by cutting and pasting the petition below and email to presidio@presidiotrust.govor submit your name and email address to the online petition:

To: Terry Thomas, Director of Natural Resources, Presidio Trust

Dear Ms. Thomas

It is my belief that, local historian and native San Franciscan, SK Morton would be the appropriate choice for the naming of the amnesty pond near Mountain Lake.

SK has demonstrated a concern for the native species of plant and animals at the lake as well as the well being of unwanted aquatic pets.

I would like to nominate SK Morton for consideration in the naming of the amnesty pond as:  The SK Morton Memorial Amnesty Pond & Fish Rescue.

Thank you for your consideration

Name *
Name

Ep 4 - Cocoa Bear's Apology

12/8/14

Babette teaches Michelle Thomas Jazz Hands! 1:18:06                                                                           Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                         Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                                                 Guests:  Michelle Thomas and Babette  

Babette teaches Michelle Thomas Jazz Hands!

1:18:06                                                                           Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                         Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                                                 Guests:  Michelle Thomas and Babette

 

Cocoa Bear's Apology:

Get ready for, yet another, arduous listening experience.  This week, your apathy tolerance will be tested with such scintillating topics as dead Chinese presidents, dead goldfish and jokes falling flat on dead ears.

SK and Cocoa Bear welcome the podcast's first guest this week - local artist, Michelle Thomas.  Michelle provides a much needed dose of merriment to an otherwise meandering podcast but don't get used to it, she's smart enough to get off a sinking ship.

After intros and a heavy handed promotion of SK's new Lousy Area Map Enhancement (L.A.M.E.) system for his tours, SK announces his latest scheme: Operation Brian Boitano, a doomed attempt to get the famed figure skater and SF native into the bomb shelter for an interview. 

Next, we discuss events that were at one time current like: The new Star Wars teaser trailer, the Raiders' 1st win and the Presidio Trust's plan for an amnesty "pond" for unwanted goldfish.

After some underwhelming answers to a few of the throng's emails we get around to harassing Michelle about her art and wrap the whole thing up with a tale of revenge by Babette.

Ep 4 Show Notes:

Samples from Michelle Thomas Fine Art

Ep 3 - More Fun Than a Bucket of Monkeys

11/24/14

Lousy Podcast button 1.jpg
Babette HATES wet towels on the PosturePedic 54:32                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                             Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                                 Guests:  Shantwon Zee and Babette

Babette HATES wet towels on the PosturePedic

54:32                                                                         Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                             Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                                 Guests:  Shantwon Zee and Babette

More Fun Than a Bucket of Monkeys:

Yet again, we set, shoot and whiff at another attempt at an entertaining podcast.  But don't blame us, you're the one whose loitering on Facebook - get back to work!

This week SK and Cocoa Bear are, once again joined by occasional, visiting one-man house band: Shantwon. (Desperation is an ugly thing)  Shantwon serenades us by adding a 4th chord to his repertoire and a final straw to the listening audience.

After a suggestion for a new award show especially for those who have the sense to turn this mess off, we are treated to the story of how SK invented taco salad and how it relates to his exciting new feature on the Lousy Tour.

This week's animal obituaries are followed by emails about Vaillancourt Fountain, the strategic value of lice and an unsatisfying description of activities that can be enjoyed in Golden Gate Park.

Mercifully, this, the shortest of our first 3 podcasts, abruptly comes to an end when Babette comes to collect SK and the two relate stories of their courtship and the 3-second rule.

 

 

Ep 2 - The Sophomore Curse

11/14/14

Cocoa Bear, SK and Shantwon 1:03:04                                                                       Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                     Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                                 Guests:  Shantwon Zee and Babette

Cocoa Bear, SK and Shantwon

1:03:04                                                                       Writer/Editor:  SK Morton                                     Producer/Mixer:  Cocoa Bear                                 Guests:  Shantwon Zee and Babette

The Sophomore Curse:

The gang is back to struggle through another episode but this time...its terminal.  Joining SK and Cocoa Bear this week is underground song writing sensation, Shantwon Zee. Shantwon, a San Francisco resident, plies us with spontaneous and incisive (If not melodious or coherent) tunes as we discuss the goings on of the city this week.

After a deceptively professional introduction things quickly unravel.  Death takes a holiday and ends up in our studio as we discuss the departure of "Last Cow" - a bison in Golden Gate Park, and end the segment with a song about Bummer and Lazarus. 

After a review of possible activities for the week and a painful discussion about earthquake shacks and SF real estate, we get to your emails. And as Frankie Valli once sang, "Crack" is the word.

After an ill-conceived interview with Shantwon, Babette makes an appearance in studio to get things straight before we all give up and go home.